After a night of drinking, rather than message faceless torsos on Grindr, I decided to download Dream Daddy. I made the correct choice. Instead of the crushing indifference of app-mediated reality, I could live in a world of wish fulfillment.
Dream Daddy is a dating game simulator where you play a Dad who moves to Maple Bay, a small town that happens to be filled with lots of hot, eligible dads who all happen to live in the same cul-de-sac I need a daddy type you.
If your dream in life is to feast at ytpe buffet of virtual daddies, Dream Daddy was made for you.
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Please meet Redge, who is probably some aspirational model of daddydom I have buried deep inside of me. There are seven daddies — Mat, Craig, Joseph, Hugo, Damien, Robert, and Brian — each with his own virtues, issues, hobbies, and foibles.
Throughout the game you can choose which daddies you want to go on dates with: Do you want to get coffee with the barista indie-rock dad? Do wind sprints with bro dad?
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Go fishing with the competitive beard dad? Chaperone a dance with the married dad? Each daddy is a snowflake and your tongue is just hanging out there to catch nees all.
Over the next few days, I went on two dates with each dad, at which point I had to make the Choice: Depending on I need a daddy type narrative decisions, these endings can range from a happily ever after to ones that are like, DamnDream Daddy. So this ranking of daddies is necessarily subjective, because it is tyle the daddy that my dadsona, i.
These are my favorite dads, graded by dreaminess and daddiness.
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It also happens that his wife Mary is a bitter alcoholic who is clearly cheating on him. Damien is Goth Dad, or as he would be preferred to be called, Victorian Dad. He gets annoyed if you call his cape a cloak.
And while his obsession with graveyards, gardens, and handwritten letters would no doubt make for a very I need a daddy type podcast, the whole thing feels like a fancy episode of Victorian Slum House.
My dadsona is too old for this. Brian is a picturesque Dream Daddy dad.
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He sports a fantastic belly and full beard that makes you want to rub it with a fine oil. He does real typical dad things like fishing and fixing things and bragging about his precocious adolescent daughter Daisy.
He does seem like a really good dad. Mat is the sexy, hipster dad who runs the Coffee Spoon.
He collects records, makes music, and has a daughter named Carmensita, who wears those big grandma glasses that are all the rage in Bushwick. He is the perfect daddy to smoke up with and listen to the National on his record player.
Craig is the hot guy who used to do keg stands at Lambda Phi Epsilon, but has since replaced the beer with protein shakes and baby carriers.
Robert is your problematic fave.
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Hot tip: He loves brown liquor and outrageous stories. He is an asshole, but also one you feel like you might just be able to fix, which makes him utterly lethal.
Hugo reads books. When I had gone on two dates with each of the daddies and I had to make a choice, there was no question that I would pick Hugo. I would like Hugo to be real.Lonely Looking Nsa Kawartha Lakes
Hugo, can you hear me? Hugo, can you see me? Hugo, can you find me in the night?
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